On My Couch

Life: as the way it is.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

‘Yes Man’ me please! - lone ranger in danger.

Posted by zuliana_me |

I need a major change in my life and in order to do that I need to start saying YES.

Before I jump into the ‘Yes Man’ thingy, I first wo
uld like to explain the reasons why I need to change and what have caused it. I consider myself a lone ranger and I’m now ashamed to admit that I was proud of it.

During my secondary school, I mingled with everyone but have only one best friend at a certain time (Adibah, Mahzuz, Hazrina and Feizal). If my best friend was absent or moved to other school, I would feel very lonely, scared and insecure. My mind would wander to other places except the place where I really was. I would feel lost and wouldn’t pay much attention to other people or what happened around me. I wasn't living the moment. However, if my best friend was there with me, I would feel safe, at ease, and be the happy-go-lucky side of me that mingled with everyone.
Things got worse when I was studying at Matriculation College; I was always seen walking alone and looking depressed though I never admitted it. I kept telling myself I was happy that way… Indeed, I really talked to myself.

“You are crazy, why are you talking to me?”
“I’m not crazy, I don’t find it wrong talking to myself…”
“It’s not wrong, unless if you are saying it out loud and use ‘YOU & I’ referring to yourself.”

I was not crazy at that time. I chose to be like that. I chose to be the loner, the weirdo and chose to double my identity. I chose to believe the lie that I told myself “I am happy to be alone” which then caused me to build a wall between me and other people, separating us even further.

I was not like that all the time. I was a very active kid during primary school & still active later but my attitude changed in times. I was very girly and gedik in primary, a tomboy in secondary and a weido in matriculation. I was searching for an identity which seemed to be very important to almost all teenagers.

(Gambar hiasan untuk tujuan menceriakan blog)

Ceria tak? hehe... ;)

Even though I’m not a loner anymore and already accepted myself as a “unique and happy” person, I have yet another problem to solve, that is my "NO MAN" attitude and it's definitely not "I don't want a man" attitude... but rather a negative response.

I always declined offers to hang out with my friends or go to my cousins’ houses. Sometimes I have solid excuses, sometimes I reall y don’t. I just wanna lepak at home and do nothing. That’s a very bad attitude, I know and I’m not happy about it. That’s why I believe I have to start saying YES so I’ll be a happier person and can experience more things with many people and SHARE THE LOVE...babeh! ;)

I have watched "YES MAN" like 100 times and never get bored of it! I love Jim Carrey & the cute Zooey Deschanel.


huda said...

OMGeeee U go ZUlianaa
Hey believe/realising it or not..u r famous among university buddies. guys attracted to you..(i still got a pic of u n ibnu when he's into u)-dont deny it..lecturer's love u of ur good command in english and beauty face esp Dr.Razali. and most of our peers think u r super damn good english speaker and were intimitade by ur greatness. People told me ok so im not making stories here. U just have to experience evry little thing of whats happening abt ur life. Think abt ur practical kt Serdang, which u love and lovely frens there..
hey btw, Yes Man is my favvvvy movies. I love both couple and keep on watching it over n over.Its funny n sweet and hope my love life cud be like them..(except for the terrorist, faranoush thingy)..Hahaha

zuliana_me said...

I love you Huda! sbb mmg aku syg ko...& ko tak ckp aku pelik dlm ni... hehe.. You are so right! But atleast my life since a ouple of weeks ago have improved...aku dh berhubung ngn dunia luar...hehe..

PS: BI ko lagi bagus dr aku ok... I wanna improve my english! YES ME!

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