On My Couch

Life: as the way it is.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

‘Yes Man’ me please! - lone ranger in danger.

Posted by zuliana_me |

I need a major change in my life and in order to do that I need to start saying YES.

Before I jump into the ‘Yes Man’ thingy, I first wo
uld like to explain the reasons why I need to change and what have caused it. I consider myself a lone ranger and I’m now ashamed to admit that I was proud of it.

During my secondary school, I mingled with everyone but have only one best friend at a certain time (Adibah, Mahzuz, Hazrina and Feizal). If my best friend was absent or moved to other school, I would feel very lonely, scared and insecure. My mind would wander to other places except the place where I really was. I would feel lost and wouldn’t pay much attention to other people or what happened around me. I wasn't living the moment. However, if my best friend was there with me, I would feel safe, at ease, and be the happy-go-lucky side of me that mingled with everyone.
Things got worse when I was studying at Matriculation College; I was always seen walking alone and looking depressed though I never admitted it. I kept telling myself I was happy that way… Indeed, I really talked to myself.

“You are crazy, why are you talking to me?”
“I’m not crazy, I don’t find it wrong talking to myself…”
“It’s not wrong, unless if you are saying it out loud and use ‘YOU & I’ referring to yourself.”

I was not crazy at that time. I chose to be like that. I chose to be the loner, the weirdo and chose to double my identity. I chose to believe the lie that I told myself “I am happy to be alone” which then caused me to build a wall between me and other people, separating us even further.

I was not like that all the time. I was a very active kid during primary school & still active later but my attitude changed in times. I was very girly and gedik in primary, a tomboy in secondary and a weido in matriculation. I was searching for an identity which seemed to be very important to almost all teenagers.

(Gambar hiasan untuk tujuan menceriakan blog)

Ceria tak? hehe... ;)

Even though I’m not a loner anymore and already accepted myself as a “unique and happy” person, I have yet another problem to solve, that is my "NO MAN" attitude and it's definitely not "I don't want a man" attitude... but rather a negative response.

I always declined offers to hang out with my friends or go to my cousins’ houses. Sometimes I have solid excuses, sometimes I reall y don’t. I just wanna lepak at home and do nothing. That’s a very bad attitude, I know and I’m not happy about it. That’s why I believe I have to start saying YES so I’ll be a happier person and can experience more things with many people and SHARE THE LOVE...babeh! ;)

I have watched "YES MAN" like 100 times and never get bored of it! I love Jim Carrey & the cute Zooey Deschanel.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Be nice & be wild!

Posted by zuliana_me |

Ok, I supposedly have an interview in Johor this Wednesday but I’m not sure if I’m going or not... I’m not allowed to drive alone to far places & Johor is definitely FAR… Even though my mom is ok about it, my dad still doesn't know about my plan: driving alone.

Huh, I always think that it’s really easy to be a guy… You dun have to worry about all these petty things. You can go wherever and whenever you want and do anything without have to be paranoid about your safety or care what other people might think. Guys can do crazy things & the worst that people will say is just: "Boys.." or "Jerk!". Then people will forget about it. (I can take that)

Girls can do that too… but then they’ll also have to bear the names and glares people will give them which then lead to the 0.1% chance to date the hottest guy at college. Hahahaha… if there is any… (I considered myself lucky because I used to fall for unique/ weird/ misterious guys, not just some good-looking dude...) So how about my bf? Lets not jump into that ;

I’ve always wanted to rollerblading like I used to when I was a kid. However, as you got older, people have higher expectation on how you behave yourselves and such. That means I should be feminine, presentable, soft-spoken, well-dressed and polite which are indeed very good qualities. But if you have to that almost all the time, then it's painful. Immatured me...

Maybe I should wear the monkey mask, riding a BMX & get crazy like in "She's a genius" a video by Jet.

Talking about wild, teringat Naima Mora. Punk hair with soft & cute personality. I really like her like REALLY.... but not in the creepy way. You can see why, can't you?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Saturday Night Out with Katak.

Posted by zuliana_me |

This weekends was fun... Mainly because my lil bro was home & I finally got the reason to go out. Saya perlukan geng yang setia untuk keluar supaya tidak bosan..

So, on Saturday night we went to uptown Danau Kota. All I can say is, there were a lot & lotsa people... I hated the smokers who didn't care less about other people & we (my sis & I) were the ones who had to hold our breaths when they walked next to us. Tolonglah...

I thought I'd be back home empty-handed when I finally saw this pink dress with belt (lupa pakai belt dalam gambar di atas). After that we went lepak at Old Town Danau Kota. Makan2 sambil buat lawak bodoh tak berasas sememangnya menyeronokan. Jam menunjukkan 2.30 pagi, si kecil dah ngantok, kami pun balik...

Erm... looking at my pic above, I'm now agreed the reason my friends call me Katak. Big round bulging eyes... Hurmm..that sounds scary.

Friday, October 23, 2009


Posted by zuliana_me |

Tak tau nape aku malas sangat dua tiga hari ni. Nak tulis dalam blog tapi asyik tangguh je, lagipun tak sure nak merepek pasal apa. Semalam, disebabkan kemalasan yg teramat sgt, aku tido kol 9mlm sampai kol 10pagi ni... (sambung lepas solat subuh & masak breakfast jap la)

Pagi tadi aku mimpi pelik gila "BULU HIDUNG MENJADI PANJANG".

(Ok, in that dream, mine was not as gross as this one okay......;)

Masa tu aku ade kat sebuah hotel mewah & baru nak keluar dari kolam renang.
Aku pun amik towel aku untuk keringkan rambut & cover lemak berlebihan yg akan nampak bila pakai baju berenang yg tight... taktik yg biasa aku guna.. (atleast aku sedar diri...huhu..)
Tiba-tiba aku terasa ade bulu yang panjang terkeluar dari hidung aku. Terus aku cover ngan towel & lari cari cermin. Gosh, panjang giler xleh blah!

Yang pelikye, aku tak balik hotel room pun. Instead, aku pegi merayau kat pasar malam sebelah hotel aku untuk cari gunting. Aku pun pakai towel kat kepala mcm pakai purdah (for the obvious reason & supaya tak nampak pelik).

Satu kedai pun x jual gunting, sampai la kat kedai yg last sekali jual perkakas dapur.... Akhirnya aku jumpa gunting & cermin untuk potong bulu hidungku yg panjang & memalukan. (Aku nak potong kat gerai tu gak, maybe sbb tuan punya kedai xde pun kat situ..huhu..)

Tiba-tiba terdengar suara mak aku yang tak berapa nyaring:
"Nana, dah kol bape ni tak bangun2. Baju tak jemur, rumah x vacuum & mop lagi..... semalam dh tido lama.."

Since my mom's office is very near & directly infront of our condo, she can actually see if I already jemur baju/ belum...

Ok, post yang menggelikan & merapu dah pun tamat.... Ok, I wanna go check my nose ;)

Monday, October 19, 2009

'Into the Wild'- life from a different angle.

Posted by zuliana_me |

'Into the Wild' is a 2007 movie directed by Sean Penn & by far to me one of the most beautiful movies ever, in a line with Benjamin Button. 'Into the Wild' is based on the true story about a guy named Christopher McCandless (Emile Hirsch), a fresh college graduate who was blessed with a good life but broken family. In the search for the true meaning of happiness, Christopher McCandless left his parents, loving younger sister, wealth and the chance to Harvard for the once in a life time adventure.

'In the Wild' showed me how life is from a different angle, Christopher McCandless neither cared what others might think about him nor was he bounded by the culture which bear to materialistic society. Inspired by books which later turned him into an anti-social, Chris developed the loves for nature but in time also diminished the love for people.

It was winter when Chris arrived in Alaska, two years after he left home. He discovered a magic bus in which he lived for the next 100 days. Chris was really happy for being able to experience the adventure & accomplished his goal to live& survive in Alaska for a few months. It was summer and Chris packed his bag to return to his family and to live normal life. The rivers had already melted by this time and Chris couldn't cross it. He was trapped In the Wild...

Christoper Johnson McCandless: 1968-1992.
Adventure: 1990-1992.

'Into the Wild' is a great & meaningful movie everyone should watch it!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I wanna be free, I wanna fly.

Posted by zuliana_me |

Three days ago, I watched 'Into The Wild' as Feizal told me that the movie was great. Yeah, indeed, it really is... I was really shocked to know how the story ended & the fact that it's based on true story.

'Into The Wild' is a very honest & incredible story of a freshly graduated college student named Alex who left his wealthy but broken family, little sister that he loved & normal life that he had. He took what's called the once in a life time adventure; he burnt his money, dumped his old car & then lived in the woods. His ultimate goal was to live & survive alone in Alaska for a 100 days. He was really braved but he took it way too far, until he lost...

Ok, I'll do the movie review on the next post coz now it about the value in the story that I would like to share. I really wanna be free, do what ever You Want without worrying about what other people would think. The might as well think you crazy. but who cares... A lot of people already think I'm crazy sometimes...(erm...really..??)

Or maybe not. I'm not that adventurous anymore... (I used to be..)

I wanna live my life without people keep telling me what I should do & what I shouldn't.

To have love, I have to obey.
To be happy, I then have to suffer.
When alone, there is no love?
When left alone, it is no better.

Why do I have to try really hard to have someone to love me? If the love is sincere, it shouldn't be this hard etc... maybe I can love the nature & hope nature will love me back.

Maybe tomorrow morning I have to start talking to the plants so they'll nourish, at least I know they won't talk back to me... I won't even hoping for that to happen.

Ok, dah mula merapu dah... but yeah, I really wanna fly. I'll love myself if there is no one wanna love me sincerely. I already do..;)

Haha, I'm not..
Yes, indeed I am.

P/S: I don't wanna postpone my works & I wanna read more books & accomplish more things!

Friday, October 09, 2009

Honey foundation & drag queen newbies.

Posted by zuliana_me |

Gambar di atas dah mandi ok... walaupun gambar kiri atas nampak macam hell... (baru perasan...;p). Yesterday I was so bored so I took the unused Safi honey foundation i knew in my drawer (kedekut nak guna foundation sendiri). Tadaa... here's the result. The honey foundation is too fair for me, it made me looked like a drag queen... macam letak tepung gomak kat muka pun ade...

But in some pics with good illumination, I didn't look so bad (two pics below).

Then my lil sis came back from school & told me I looked funny but still, she asked me to put some make-up on her face. So I did...

We may looked like drag queens but we had fun! really...? ;p
Below are the photos taken during my niece marhaban & cukur jambul ceremony while the last pic on right is the pic of me, big bro & lil king mongkut... (coz his head was round like marbel/ watermelon)

I think Fatty the cat looked really cute in that basket...just like king mongkut...hehe...

Thursday, October 08, 2009

How to start doing charity.

Posted by zuliana_me |

I tried to find the answer from the internet but none is what i'm looking for. Most of them talk about legal charity & funding. I'm not there yet, I should start my baby step first. Then i remembered the story that my mom told me about a lady who opened a charity home for single mom with sick/ disabled children or hospital patients who have no place to go after their treatment.

The lady was a typical housewife but she had a very nice & loving husband who did almost all the works (working, financial, children's edu...) coz he didn't want to burden her.

Until one day her husband suddenly dissapeared. He didn't take any of his personal belongings along with him & no one ever hear a thing from him again. People then assumed that he might be lost & dead.

It was a really tough time she had to go through when all this while she had her husband did almost all the things, except housework, for her. She got herself a job & in the struggling time, she started doing charity. It was while her way out of a hospital when she saw a woman; ex-patient, with a child that had no place to go. She invited the lady to live with her, she didn't think much that time & did according to her instinct.

More single mothers with sick/ disabled children came to live with her. The charity home is now getting bigger as there are increasing number of people in the house as well as donations from public. Mom who read about this lady & the charity home on newspaper also start donating.

May Allah bless that strong & very nice lady.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Chef Wan & why we (I) love him!

Posted by zuliana_me |

This morning, when I was doing my routine as a "penanam anggur": lazing on the couch kept changing the tv channel... (yeah, the only game that I play is remote control & I'm loving it! Screw PS1,2,3,4...).

I suddenly saw Chef Wan but he was dancing not cooking, quite of a dancer I dare say...haha..but seriously.
He certainly & successfully entertained all the people at the charity home (disabled people) as they were all smiling & laughing while dancing along with Chef Wan (moving their hands since most of them were on wheelchairs) with a lot of spontaneous jokes & responses. It was a very nice show: Ole-Ole Chef Wan.

Chef Wan talked with the residents there like:
How are you doing? Are you happy? You look so pretty. Are you married? You wanna marry me?

I smiled to see their shy shy reactions ;) as I would have the same response too... A resident, middle 30-year-old chinese woman said: "Happy la...jumpe Chef Wan... " "Kitorg susah tak boleh jalan, bosan..." It meant a lot to them that Chef Wan came to their home, entertained, cooked, talked, listened & dancing for them. They were dancing too.

I've always wanted to do this kinda charity but never really do it & keep wondering how to start doing it. It's a never ending question which I would like to stop now.

So next post will be on how to start doing charity. Yup, it feels great to see smile of happiness on people faces & you start to realize how grateful you should be for the life you have now.

P/S: I'm not a lazy bum. I clean the house& cook meals everyday... It's an effort towards becoming a better person, so does watching tv... hehe...

P/S/S: Subject on the previous post:
Old saudagar finally sold his share but for higher price... the company is just a baby & has no money but it's ok...at least now lotsa people are relieved and "Lelaki gila anak saudagar penipu" is not worth mentioning again, except for comedy;p
(Wow, i'm so mean...forgive me...)

Friday, October 02, 2009

Lelaki gila anak saudagar penipu 1#

Posted by zuliana_me |

Warning: Bahasa agar kasar. Jgn baca kalau hati selembut sutera.

Dah lame aku tak tulis dalam blog ni. Bukan aku tak berfikir selama beberapa hari ni tp sbb aku tak tau ape yang patut ditulis. Since I'm now so hot berapi with this 1 guy, so I'm goin to write a
real F***'G life story about him entitled: "Lelaki gila anak saudagar penipu". (Bapak die: saudagar tak penipu, saje guna ayat P.Ramlee tp anak die mmg saiko tamak tahap tertinggi babe...)

A few months back, my uncle's bro (bau-bau bacang kitorang) on my mom's side, met my dad & proposed an idea to open a plastic factory together. They initially seek my mom's bro (pak ude) for financial support bcoz they neither had enough money nor did they able to apply for loan from bank. Pak ude later asked my dad if they can help this old saudagar. Plastic is a good business & helping a relative is a good thing.

Nak dijadikan cerita, my dad gave a big sum of money while old saudagar only had to give the equity from his old company= rm50k & land=rm50k.

It all started like a perfect fairy tales with a written agreement that had been agreed by all (3 directors:my dad, old saudagar, nasir) & what left to do was just to run the business. However, my dad didn't realise the most important thing that would change it all... Old saudagar brought with him a perfect package of mad greedy son
"Lelaki gila anak saudagar penipu" LGASP. Atleast my dad didn't realise he was crazy...

is a 30 years-old man who yelled at his dad in front of the crowd. He acts like he's the main share holder when all he has is the clerk post that my dad gave after considering old saudagar. Kerani yang xde keje ape tapi gaji rm2500, pastu nak beli keta ofis yg tidak mahal untuk die guna mmg die mengamuk:

"Ayah, saya tak nak guna keta ni! Saya nak keta storm. Tukar!", he said to his dad in front of my dad & crowd...

Like duh....it's not even your dad's money dude... considering that you didn't do nothing but got a paycheck, u shud be thankful

Last time LGASP
marah giler bila dapat tau Lee& Nasir jumpe bapak aku tanpa bagitau die. Die buat tak pe plak. Suka hati bapak aku la.. LGASP jadi bossy giler! Die suke mengamuk so Lee& Nasir agak takut.

Old saudagar: tak bayar gaji pekerja2 (so my dad lagi kene bayar), buat dunno masa nak tukar nama tanah, tak berfikiran panjang & tamak nak instant money that won't get u anywhere,asyik mintak duit itu ini konon2 nak up la..tak boleh blah.

LGASP paksa mintak naik gaji rm4000, kerani yg xde wat ape. ko x rase macam nak mengamuk? Lee & Nasir yg cari projek & buat banyak keje pun tak macam tu.... Kalo aku jadi Lee, hari-hari aku komplen kat aku punya bini "melayu bodo la". Business elok g cari gaduh. Since Old Saudagar refuses to sell his share, I hope my dad find a fierce Chinese buyer yg boleh brainwash LGSAP. I'll work hard & build a better company for my dad (though not now). Dun u worry, daddy... Plus, as u said, money is not the most important thing.

Next episode: "Uncle suruh saya buat ape saje, sujud kat kaki uncle pun saya buat asal uncle maafkan saya",
LGASP said.

"pelakon paling teruk dalam dunia!", I said.